UGH

Sep. 19th, 2017 04:56 am
iosonochesono: (Default)
[personal profile] iosonochesono
Due to circumstances at work tonight I was convinced to go in and now my co-worker is sleeping again.

I resent letting my guilt and concern manipulate me that way.
iosonochesono: (HTTYD: Troubled)
[personal profile] iosonochesono
Ana annoys me with how much she believes in conspiracy theories and how right-wing she is, but sometimes she manages to ask things that are eerily on-point with where my emotions are at.

... Granted, because she believes PCOS is a conspiracy to punish women by making them infertile and because she knows I'm in my thirties. But eerily on point with where a lot of my thoughts have been since that woman was telling me how much her life changed after she got pregnant and just generally feeling incredibly stuck and without choices in life.

Conversations I feel like I can't have with anyone. Like, if I have those conversations with anyone, they'll totally freak out. Either because my friends who are women will think I'm thinking seriously about trying, or the men in my life will be worried I'm going to ask them to be a sperm donor.*

Ana doesn't even know about the sexual dysfunction, I don't think. So the question from her is a lot more eery. Like if Alicia had asked, it's like, she knows I have this barrier in my life that sort of makes my life complicated in the family planning/starting aspect.

*I guess I'd be worried about that too. I guess it's not such a far-flung theory that if I ever went that route I'd want it to be someone I knew. But I usually find it's easier to talk to men about S.D. stuff.

OH MY GOD

Sep. 18th, 2017 11:40 pm
iosonochesono: (Default)
[personal profile] iosonochesono
Monique literally lost her shit when she found out I wasn't coming in tonight. I'd gotten permission from Isha around 6pm.

The real reason is that she's pissed off she won't get to sit there turning off her alarm and going back to sleep all night without getting up until 6:40am.

This was it. I decided even if it means sleeping privileges are revoked, I'm going to talk to Isha about how Monique oversleeps during the shift. I can't stand that she has the gall to do 1-2 checks the entire night last night and kept turning off her alarm and now she wants to whine that I'm not coming in again so she can do the same bullshit tonight.

I even pretended to fall asleep last night to see if she would do the checks? And she didn't. I literally saw her still turning off her alarm and going back to sleep. I still had to get up and do the checks because she wouldn't.

That's the only reason why I would want to cut my hours. It's not like I thought it'd be super awesome to make less money. It's because it's causing to much sleep deprivation and resentment of my co-worker.

Work:

Sep. 18th, 2017 06:26 pm
iosonochesono: (Default)
[personal profile] iosonochesono
I asked for tonight off, too.

I've decided when we don't need two staff I'll take 1-3 days off per week to ensure that when I am there, I am able to remain awake.

Like I don't want to rat out Monique because it would cause interpersonal conflict at work (and potentially make them more strictly enforce it being an 'AWAKE' shift whereas they have to date been currently lenient and let us work it among ourselves.) It's a lot easier to offer to divide shifts (like do three days/two days and then switch the next week) or come in less personally.

But it's not fair to basically see someone sleeping next to you all night and know that if you fall asleep that person isn't going to have the checks covered. If I need to be asleep, I won't come in, because I can't trust her to stay awake. I don't want to be liable for dozing off on someone who needs 10-30 minute checks.

Verge

Sep. 18th, 2017 08:19 am
iosonochesono: (Default)
[personal profile] iosonochesono
I am on the verge of having a frank discussion with Monique about how much she sleeps at work.

Tonight she kept turning her alarm off and continuing to sleep all night. She basically got seven hours of sleep. This has not been an unusual turn of events.

We both work 80+ hours/week, we both have dysfunctional home situations, it's not fair for one person to get all the sleep.

Of course, the other thing I've considered is simply taking more time off the night job whenever there are three clients or less. That way, if something happens, at least I'm not liable, whereas if she tells me she's doing checks and then she is simply sleeping the whole night, I am equally liable.

The Red Star: Deluxe Edition Volume 2

Sep. 18th, 2017 07:37 am
marycatelli: (Golden Hair)
[personal profile] marycatelli posting in [community profile] books
The Red Star: Deluxe Edition Volume 2 by Christian Gossett

The continuing story -- to the end of the published issues. Spoilers ahead for the earlier volume.

Read more... )

Progress

Sep. 18th, 2017 03:02 am
iosonochesono: (Hebrew: Elephants Don't Dance Ballet)
[personal profile] iosonochesono
My UCSD courses don't start until next week, so right now I'm just working on the TEFL course. I couldn't do it when my co-worker was watching iZombie, but she's currently asleep.

I also filled out a new C1 for my U.K. Passport. I just need to finish putting in my mother's address and her passport information, then ask her to get information that may be relevant for them (her marriage certificate to my father changing her surname, then the divorce paperwork, then the marriage certificate where she took her current husband's surname. It might be none of that is relevant because she probably has to put that information in when renewing her passport... But still.

I deleted POF/Tinder. I've come to the conclusion that men are depressing. Hundreds and hundreds of men 'like' me, in the hopes that they'll hook up, just as they are 'liking' every damn woman on those sites. I'm just going to try to get back to doing classes, going to the gym, etc. I'm not necessarily holding out for a serious relationship only - but I don't believe I'm likely to respect guys when I see evidence of the grazing approach. Like they couldn't care less about compatibility. Forever alone? Whatever. It's better than being depressed by a constant barrage of dudes hoping for a one-night stand.

Thoughts

Sep. 18th, 2017 12:14 am
iosonochesono: (Corpse Bride: Emily Proper)
[personal profile] iosonochesono
With regard to Jordan (as much as I'm trying to just completely mind-wipe myself about his existence), I think what happened with regard to him lying about "not meeting the language qualifications for CSU Fullerton/CSU LB" is that I don't think he applied to them. I think he probably tried to apply to a few UCs - the ones that were prestigious enough to fill the needs of his ego.

But the University of California requires two years of a foreign language. Hence he didn't get in. And then was embarrassed that he didn't apply. Or maybe he had lied to his parents and had told him he didn't get into any of those schools, and then kept that lie for everyone, not realizing what a bad lie that was, because the CSUs are far more numerous and everyone knows the key difference in transferring to a UC or a CSU is whether or not it requires a foreign language.

Anyway, he got into York in England, and that school is highly regarded, so it's not like his GPA wasn't high enough, it would be, as he said, just the language requirements.

(I've also considered that he may have intentionally did what he did to give himself an excuse to go back to Europe to complete his education, as European schools are considered more prestigious. And for all I know, he had a reason to want to go back to England. Be it homesickness, friends, a girl, whatever. But his ego seems enough on its own.)




I want to work on my TEFL course but I can't do it without headphones.

I was also looking at applying to UK Starbucks and working on BACP coursework.

It might make more sense to make an extended visit to my aunt and her husband's place, though, and figure my working situation out. I'd like to try to work in Italy, France, Spain, Germany, and Portugal. But I was thinking I'd like to stop by the UK a while first since technically I'm a citizen. Plus I could then work on counseling and BACP stuff while there. (I'd like to do coursework in those countries too? But only to learn the language.)

It'll probably be a lot easier to find work if already at least on the right continent.

Astronomy

Sep. 17th, 2017 11:30 pm
sheliak: Handwoven tapestry of the planet Jupiter. (Default)
[personal profile] sheliak posting in [community profile] icons


100 icons from Cassini's photographs (mostly Saturn and its moons, with a couple of Jupiter), over here.
vaysh11: a.Daily Snitch (Daily Snitch)
[personal profile] vaysh11 posting in [community profile] daily_snitch
Joanne K. Rowling – Life and Books:
• Beatrice Grove, Literary Allusion in The Cuckoo's Calling - Part 2: Tennyson's "Ulysses".
• Robert Galbraith's Strike to return to BBC in 2018 in Career of Evil.

Harry Potter – Actors and Movies:
• MinaLima, Miraphora Mina and Eduardo Lima (graphic design): Q & A: Telling Stories Through Design.

Fantastic Beasts – Actors and Movies:
• Everything we know about Fantastic Beasts [2] so far: Plot Hints and Cast News.

Prompt Challenges:
[livejournal.com profile] hogwarts365 posted Prompt # 210 (due on or before September 23): "free for all" prompts for four years of [community profile] hogwarts365.
• @introvert-club posted Wolfstar Prompt # 20: Magic Shows and Circus Theatrics

Communities:
[livejournal.com profile] hp_nextgen_fest posted a reminder that submission for the Next Generation Fest are due in one month on October 16th.
[livejournal.com profile] slythindor100 announced their community affiliation with [livejournal.com profile] adventchallenge.
[livejournal.com profile] sceasleycest announced the December Fest for Scorpius Malfoy and the Wesleys. Prompting is open!
[livejournal.com profile] sceasleycest announced their community affiliation with [livejournal.com profile] adventchallenge.

Masterlists and Weekly Round-ups:
[livejournal.com profile] hp_drizzle posted the Weekly Round-up Two.
[livejournal.com profile] hogwarts365 posted the Prompt # 209 Masterlist.

Editor's Choice Rec:
[podfic] The Evil Devil Child and the Perfect Gift read by [livejournal.com profile] semperfiona, written by [livejournal.com profile] who_la_hoop (Albus/Scorpius, Al/Scorpius/Draco, Harry/Scorpius, Harry/Draco | NC-17 | 1:50:27 hours)
Summary: When Scorpius Malfoy – Legilimens-extraordinaire, perfect son and all-round kinky little bastard – discovers that his father harbours a certain fantasy involving Harry Potter, a submissive attitude and a priceless antique dining table, he sets out to make his father's dreams come true. And if succeeding in his mission involves putting up with a naked, willing Albus Severus? Well, that's a price that Scorpius will just have to pay.

Fandom Recs:
[livejournal.com profile] toblass recced Severus Snape art (gen).
[livejournal.com profile] themightyflynn recced a Hermione Granger/Severus Snape fic (NC-17).
[livejournal.com profile] rosevalleynb recced a Petunia Evans Dursley, Harry Potter, Dudley Dursley gen fic (PG).
[personal profile] chantefable recced a Draco Malfoy/Rose Weasley remix fic (PG-13).

Resources:
• The SS/HP Prophet from September 9 to 16.

Archive News:
• OTW: Transcript for the 10th Anniversary Chat with authors Christina Lauren and Catherine Roach.
• OTW: Transcript for the 10th Anniversary Chat with authors Seanan McGuire and Martha Wells about "Fantasy and Fandom".

Essay/Meta:
• Sarah Galley wrote Harry Potter: A Beginner's Guide to Evaluating Authority. (Barnes & Noble Blog)

Searches:
[livejournal.com profile] accio_hd_fics posted a search for your favourite mpreg fics.
[community profile] daily_snitch is looking for your recs (fic, art, podfic, meta ...) for the Special Edition: Newt Scamander.


Please send your fandom news to the Daily Snitch.

The Red Star: Deluxe Edition Volume 1

Sep. 17th, 2017 12:12 am
marycatelli: (Golden Hair)
[personal profile] marycatelli posting in [community profile] books
The Red Star: Deluxe Edition Volume 1 by Christian Gossett

An alternative, magitech-based USSR and a disastrous battle. . .

Read more... )

Thoughts

Sep. 17th, 2017 01:06 am
iosonochesono: (Bolt: Sleepy)
[personal profile] iosonochesono
Thought #1: If I'm here until at least April, I should be able to get most of the CADC coursework done. And some of the nursing prerequisites.

Thought #2: I really like the one job, it's the other job I can't stand. I used to at least like the people there, but most of them are gone. I can't believe I have to do all this safety coach stuff I can never even do, either. Tomorrow and Monday I'm going to have to run around all over the place trying to collect paperwork. It's all freakin' hand-holding because managers don't see enforcing policy within departments as part of their jobs.

Honestly, they ducked it up. If the safety program had been a body of policies rewarding managers whose departments and staff pass audits and don't have injuries free days (and penalizing those who do) this wouldn't be a problem. Instead, they see a nag telling them to do stuff they have decided isn't part of their job. It's a freakin' joke.

Thought #3: I want to get the nursing prerequisites and CADC stuff done.

CCAPP claims it is valid in 47 countries but it doesn't list them anywhere. Kinda suspicious.

ETA: It's by getting the IC&RC tests done, but then you still have to live in California most of the year, which seems ridiculous. In the U.K. the equivalent program is BACP.

I Did It

Sep. 16th, 2017 11:39 am
iosonochesono: (MLP: Thoughtful)
[personal profile] iosonochesono
That thing, the thing I've wanted to do for years - sign up for a TEFL certificate. I did it.

I'm going to work on it during the night shift and work on paying down any debts I have - maybe even sell my car toward the end of December... Start figuring out the things I do/don't need in my life. Then I'm going to try to apply for TEFL positions. Maybe look into teacher licensing?

Why?

Because Dad came home today, and the place was a horrible mess. My brother was sleeping in a rat nest. In the living room. And my dad was upset and sad and I left because I was worried they'd get into a screeching argument into one another.

And I was thinking about how miserable I am at Ralphs. How Mike talks about 'moving up in the company' and like... I don't really want that. What I want is to travel and not be at home with my brother and my father burdened by my brother.

And I was sitting there, eating fast food (again) and thinking about how unhappy I was, and then I thought, "Will moving make me happy?"

And the answer is that I have stuff I need to work on. I have low sense of self-worth to work on. Codependency issues to work on. A sexual dysfunction to work on (because currently that also makes me unhappy.) Moving won't suddenly make me a happy person. I need physical intimacy and I have a hard time accepting it. I need to establish better boundaries with people so I don't feel taken advantage of. I need a lot of things in my life that I can work on to make me happy.

But at least half my problem is I feel trapped and stuck and I go home and everyone's miserable and everything's a mess. I can't do things I love (like photography, travel, language study) because I'm working like 80+ hours/week.

So I'm going to:

1. Keep going on with trying to get my U.K. and Irish Passports.
2. Get the damn TEFL certification.
3. Fucking leave the country.

Nursing might be a nice ideal that would make me more money, but I can do the teaching certificate much faster and if I want international credentials I should be trying to figure out how to go to nursing school in the U.K. I just want to make sure that if I leave the country I can work.

Regrettably, this also means staying with Ralphs until April so I can pay off any debts. I almost want to turn in my notice today. But I need to stay with both jobs to save money and get to a debt-free point in my life. I want 0 debt and preferably $3k minimum in my savings account.

I just have to stay disciplined about only having water/fruit/veggies/PB&J.
kitty_fic: (MOD // Daily Snitch - Keep Calm)
[personal profile] kitty_fic posting in [community profile] daily_snitch
Follow the Daily Snitch on LiveJournal and on tumblr.

Harry Potter – Actors and Movies:
Kenneth Branagh to Receive BAFTA’s Highest Honor

Fantastic Beasts – Actors and Movies:
Star Spotting: Jude Law in Bath, UK!

HP & The Cursed Child – Actors and Movies:
Cherrelle Skeete Talks Diversity and New Projects!

Communities:
[community profile] snape_potter: Sign up for Secret Snarry Swap through Sunday!
[community profile] hp_darkarts: HP Horror Fest 2018
[profile] one_bad_man: Mod Post
[community profile] interhouse_fest: LOOK AT US GO!
[community profile] hp_halloween: Get ready for some spooky fun! ;D

Masterlists and Weekly Round-ups:
[profile] dramione_remix: Round 8, Week 1 Round-Up!

Fandom Recs:
[personal profile] rosevalleynb recced one Marcus Flint fic.
[personal profile] reynardo recced one Severus/Hermione craft.
[personal profile] smirkingcat recced one Ron/Severus fic.
[personal profile] madeleone recced one Severus/Hermione fic.

Essay/Meta:
Does a Magical Education Extend Beyond Witches and Wizards?

General Fandom News:
Universal Orlando Resort's 2018 Celebration of Harry Potter tickets packages released

Nifty:
Take a Dip into the Pensieve with New Collectibles from Running Press!
Harry Potter, Fantastic Beasts NYCC new Funko figures of Snape, Grindelwald, Luna
Harry Potter home décor collection from PBteen & Warner Bros. unveiled, out soon
Pottery Barn Teen’s “Harry Potter” Line Now Available for Pre-Order!
Bring Hogwarts Home to You with the New PBteen Collection

Searches:
[community profile] daily_snitch: looking for your recs (fic, art, podfic, meta ...) for the Special Edition: Newt Scamander.

Community Spotlight:
[profile] adventchallenge: announced details and a banner for 2017.

Please send your fandom news to the Daily Snitch.


alexia_drake: Oliver Queen aka the Green Arrow in his green suit (Badass)
[personal profile] alexia_drake posting in [community profile] icons
Arrow:
8 Oliver & Felicity, 8 Oliver Queen, 12 Felicity
2 Carrie Cutter-Cupid, 2 Cupid & Deadshot
4 Floyd Lawton-Deadshot, 1 John Diggle, 3 The Flash
1 Thea & Oliver, 4 Thea-Speedy, 5 Laurel Lance

Supergirl:
9 Kara-Supergirl, 1 Mon-El-Mike

Lucifer:
4 Lucifer & Chloe, 12 Lucifer Morningstar
4 Chloe Decker, 1 Trixie



- See the rest here -
archersangel: (keep calm)
[personal profile] archersangel posting in [community profile] books

Captain Kidd has gone down in history as America's most ruthless buccaneer, fabulously rich, burying dozens of treasure chests up and down the eastern seaboard. But it turns out that most everyone, even many respected scholars, have the story all wrong. Captain William Kidd was no career cut-throat; he was a tough, successful New York sea captain who was hired to chase pirates. His three-year odyssey aboard the aptly named Adventure galley pitted him against arrogant Royal Navy commanders, jealous East India Company captains, storms, starvation, angry natives, and, above all, flesh-and-blood pirates.

A really interesting book about the pirate turned pirate hunter who wasn't as ruthless or had as much treasure as people thought.

After his time as a pirate in the Caribbean he settled in New York City, married a wealthy widow & became respectable. Through a chance meeting he is commissioned by William III of England to capture pirates in the Indian Ocean. Run-ins with the English Navy, his crew not being paid because they can't find any pirates & crossing paths with his old shipmate (& mutineer against Kidd) Robert Culliford lead to his eventual downfall.

LOL

Sep. 15th, 2017 02:27 pm
iosonochesono: Rachel Maddow with glasses. (Political: Rachel Maddow Blue and Glasse)
[personal profile] iosonochesono
Jordan, "See you when I get back."
Me, "God, I hope not. That would mean I'm still here."

I am so not trying to maintain these ties, that's exactly what I don't want to do. No keeping ties with people who make me miserable by not following through on promises.

Like I kept it relatively not-awkward while he was still here, but if all goes well, I will never see/hear from him again, lol.

THIS MAKES NO SENSE

Sep. 15th, 2017 12:56 pm
iosonochesono: (Animorphs: Aximili Dance)
[personal profile] iosonochesono
IF YOU TURN ALL PEOPLE INTO ZOMBIES WHERE WILL YOU GET THE BRAINS?!




It's 1:00PM so in theory Jordan (even if he's taking an evening flight) will be on his way to the airport, to get there three hours before the flight, to leave by 7pm-8pm. BYE BOY.




LIV SCRATCHED RAVI. (Supposedly he's vaccinated against the zombie disease.) AND THEY SAID THEY LOVED EACH OTHER.

Granted, they meant that in an 'as friends' way. And after the episode with his sex flashbacks I can't blame her. BUT UNTIL THAT EPISODE I SHIPPED IT HARD AND I RESENT THAT THEY MADE HIM AS UNSEXY AS POSSIBLE TO DISSUADE THAT TWO EPISODES LATER.

Eye Compress

Sep. 15th, 2017 12:33 am
iosonochesono: (Default)
[personal profile] iosonochesono
So, my eye compress is a water concoction (salt, honey, lemon-lime tea) and hand towels. I did a bunch of them again tonight (I'm about to put the Systane in my eyes for tonight.)

I also treated an issue going on with my back, since I asked for tonight off of work (did last night as well.)

I'm going to try to do these treatments at least 2x per week in the future, and I'm going to try to do the hot compresses twice per night at work. I just need to find a place (like, well, the master bathroom there) where I can clean up any mess the hot compresses make easily.

Anyway, my eyes feel 100% better. They don't look 100% better - whatever is going on with my right eye is being really stubborn and it is still bloodshot. But it doesn't feel nearly as irritable.




Tomorrow I have to get back onto graduate certificate/graduate school stuff. I'm looking at doing nursing prerequisite work and while doing that also looking at a social work program and an MFT program. I haven't been on it lately, 'cause of my eyes. This is why I have to stay on top of preventative care.




Since Taylor contacted me at 10:00PM it was really tempting to tell him how I had asked for tonight off of work and actually had nothing to do. But I don't really feel safe around Taylor. I don't mean like he's dangerous, I mean, there just isn't that emotional attachment there yet, and because he already does things that don't exactly boost my confidence, I was not exactly going to invite him over.

Plus, the apartment's sort of a mess right now. The living room and kitchen are mostly a courtesy of Kevin (how did he do that in a day?). My room isn't exactly that clean either right now - I just brought in a ton of crap for making goodie bags, I need to get a load of work clothes done, there's materials from my eye compresses all over the bathroom, etc. If Jessica had wanted to hang out (not that she ever would this late) we'd have avoided the house because she hates messes. If Jordan had wanted to hang out, I'd have just cleaned the living room/kitchen area up, 'cause he knows about my living situation. Taylor does not.

Plus, Taylor wants to have metaphysical discussions, and I'll be quite honest: My mind is focused on my eyes and Jordan right now, and more specifically, the way I feel about Jordan, and how I can't wait for those feelings to go away (not to say I'm not also sad, but when your libido is winning over your rational brain 3:1* and the main person you're attracted to cannot give two fucks about you, it is for the best, for the love of God, I can't wait til he's out of the country and I no longer know his phone number.)

Fortunately, I don't work til a bit later tomorrow. I'll have time to do this stuff between compresses.

Anyway. Time for the Systane treatment. (I have a love/hate relationship with that stuff. I love it because my eyes feel so great afterward. I hate it because it makes me blind.)

*In past years, I have had zero sex drive/libido to speak of - which was fine, because I also have a sexual dysfunction. And honestly, since I've gotten one, I don't know what the fuck to do with it, because I can't do the thing it's kinda made for. Or maybe I could, with some time/patience, but I don't have that type of relationship with anyone.

I heard women's sex drives go up a lot in their thirties so maybe that's why this is happening. I don't appreciate it. It could at least do me a solid and refocus on someone with mutual attraction. Sadly, increased libido does not mean decreased monogamy: Still crush on only one person at a time.
Page generated Sep. 20th, 2017 12:15 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios